


Simplicity

by puppyminnie (cuddlywoojinnie)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Blood and Violence, Crushes, Foreshadowing, Heavy Angst, Injury Recovery, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minimalism, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Symbolism, Symbolism of Nature, Themes of Transcendentalism, Unrequited Love, fluff mostly at beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlywoojinnie/pseuds/puppyminnie
Summary: Hyunjin can be described in several ways. A devoted minimalist, a philosopher of nature, or just simply, handsome.Unfortunately, Seungmin falls in love.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 23
Kudos: 38





	1. Nature

_To go into solitude, a man needs to retire as much from his chamber as from society. I am not solitary whilst I read and write, though nobody is with me. But if a man would be alone, let him look at the stars. -_ Nature, _Chapter I, "Nature."_

Hyunjin closed his book and gently placed it on the black glazed wooden coffee table. He stacked it neatly on top of a few other slightly worn novels. The selfish books shared their space with absolutely nothing else. Hyunjin, sitting square on a small white sofa analyzed the books like he was reading the contents with x-ray vision. Eventually, Hyunjin moved his gaze to look at his small apartment. His kitchen was basic. There was a small white table and chair for a dining area. A large window which held soft white curtains, that allowed the morning sun to shine through, landing on the plain tile floor. His bathroom was as uncomplicated as a bathroom can be. His bedroom, well, was a room with a bed. All furniture in his apartment was either black or white. Hyunjin's favorite colors were black and white. The simplest colors. Colors that only exist as they are. 

This was the simple life Hyunjin loved to live. Minimalism is an art and Hyunjin is the artist. 

-

The air was crisp as Hyunjin meandered along a stone path. The path guided him throughout a large, hilly park. The grass swayed in the wind, the few trees rustled their leaves; nature was communicating with each other. Hyunjin was in an area with a big pond. This area was more isolated than the main part of the park as few people wandered here. He started off the path to the calm waters. He bent over the pond and his reflection showed his straight black hair, a bit messy from the rather harsh gale. Hyunjin grabbed the polaroid camera that was hanging around his neck. His camera was quite professional, but not too extravagant. The camera joined him in the water's reflection as he snapped the picture. The polaroid processed and Hyunjin straightened his posture as he gently grabbed it and waved it in the air. It came out quite nicely. Just him, his camera, and the water.

Photography was Hyunjin's only hobby apart from reading. He didn't need much else. It was just enough to be happy. Hyunjin was happy. He tucked the picture in his black overcoat pocket.

Hyunjin turned around and fixed his gaze on two small hills, in which the stone path rudely wriggles itself between the two. Hyunjin had a strange feeling arise. A feeling like he must take a photo of whatever is in his sight. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to ignore his intuition. He took his camera and readied himself. Then, a subtle whirr of a bicycle invades the hum of the rustling greenery. A boy riding his bike enters the view of Hyunjin's camera. His sky blue sweater contrasted well with his surroundings, as well as his dark green bike. His soft brown hair poked out of his helmet slightly. 

_*click*_

The boy continued to roll down the path and towards Hyunjin. His face was more visible now, a cute puppy-like face, however, that puppy looked upset. He hit the brakes on the bike, the tires screeched to a stop a few feet in front of Hyunjin.

"Hey, creep, at least ask me out first before you start taking pictures of me!" the boy said, smirking.

That came as a surprise to Hyunjin, "W-why would I do such a thing?" 

"Um, I was making a joke", He replied, feeling awkward. "I meant to say, it's nice to ask permission first."

Hyunjin looked at his polaroid of the boy. "I have no need to ask for permission. This is a public area, you're exposing yourself to any of the peril that the universe decides to unleash. Including my photography."

The boy looked confused, "Alright well you could have just said you're a weirdo and I would understand."

Hyunjin maintained a straight face and wasn't affected by the boy's teasing. 

"My name is Kim Seungmin." 

"Why do I need to know your name?," Hyunjin remarked, trying to match his earlier rude tone. 

Seungmin smiled and laughed, squeezing the handles of his bike. "Might as well know my name if you're gonna keep a pic of me." 

Hyunjin kept his expressionless demeanor. Still, and unsettling feeling emerged in his gut. Hyunjin isn't used to someone approaching him out of nowhere. He has adapted well to the current isolation he lives in at the moment. Hyunjin doesn't need a social life to be happy. But, for some reason, he isn't bothered by this Seungmin speaking to him, despite the mean facade Hyunjin is trying to show him. 

There was a slightly awkward silence before Suengmin spoke again, "O-okay well, you should tell me your name now." He looked timider now.

"Oh, right." _That's how you have a conversation,_ Hyunjin thought.

"My name is Hwang Hyunjin."

Hyunjin is definitely not used to this. He can't remember the last time he told someone his name, other than the baristas at the coffee shop. To Hyunjin's understanding, telling your name to someone is the first step to becoming friends. Did he want to be his friend? Why would anyone want to do that? It's not like he'll ever see this kid again. Having a friend is too much work, Hyunjin is happy by himself. Hyunjin looked visibly uncomfortable.

"Okay, Hyunjin, I have to go," Seungmin nodded, his voice was quiet but then it reverted back to his sarcastic tone, "have fun with that pic of me!"

Seungmin corrected his position on the bike and rode away. His speed gained as he peddled the bike. Hyunjin had a sense that he should have talked to him some more, maybe not have been such a "weirdo". He wishes he didn't come off as weird to others... Regret washed over him. Stupid. Stupid. No, he shook off the negative energy. Hyunjin didn't need the approval of others. He tried to focus back on his work. He put the recent polaroid into his coat without giving it a second glance. 

The wind has calmed down now. The grass stilled. The leaves silenced themselves. The water dared not to lap at the shore. Hyunjin could sense nature was being cautious. 

"I assume this means you want me to leave too," Hyunjin spoke aloud, "thank you, for letting me photograph you once again."

He walked back to the main stone path. His faith and gratitude to nature as strong as ever. He appreciated the symbiotic relationship between him and nature; Hyunjin brought his worries here and nature returned him to peace. Now, The landscape continued to give him the cold shoulder. Something was deeply wrong. Usually, Hyunjin can clearly understand the language of the natural world. But now its language was foreign. 

Hyunjin walked with haste as he tried to ignore the unearthly feelings surrounding him. 


	2. Commodity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not in this chapter particularly but this fic will take a pretty dark turn soon so yeah, enjoy the fluff for now hahah :P

_"Nature, in its ministry to man, is not only the material, but is also the process and the result. All the parts incessantly work into each other's hands for the profit of man. The wind sows the seed; the sun evaporates the sea; the wind blows the vapor to the field; the ice, on the other side of the planet, condenses rain on this; the rain feeds the plant; the plant feeds the animal; and thus the endless circulations of the divine charity nourish man." -_ Nature, _Chapter II, "Commodity."_

Seungmin sat and stared expressionless at the window of the bagel shop, in which he was working. He didn't know what he was expecting to see. That was a lie. He wanted to see Hyunjin. Seungmin can only see the trees waving at him through the window. The shop was quiet this afternoon, the only people in the room were him and his coworker, Bang Chan. He didn't hate or love his job, it gave him income, that is all he needed. His coworkers were nice as well, Chan was his best friend. 

"Something bothering you?" Chan wandered over to where seungmin was sitting behind the counter. Chan was a good looking guy, he had short blond hair and was very muscular (which Suengmin was envious of). Most importantly, he was a good friend to Seungmin. Chan was a good listener; Seungmin can tell him anything. 

Seungmin smiled a bit, enhancing the mood, "Ah, just thinking about this boy I saw the other day."

"Oh, you just fell in love with a stranger again, so nothing new?" Chan replied, jokingly.

"Ugh, shut up!" Seungmin retorted. Chan laughed but his interest was piqued.

Seungmin continued, "His name is Hyunjin."

It has been a couple of days since he encountered that guy. He kinda regrets teasing him that little bit, he was just alone taking photos. He can't help but show his impulsive personality. Seungmin's mind couldn't diverge into different thoughts as he kept seeing Hyunjin in his head. He was tall, had amazing shiny black hair, and dark eyes; his black monotone outfit fit him perfectly- ugh. Seungmin blushed. He couldn't believe himself, crushing on a random stranger again. 

"A-and this time I actually spoke to him!" Seungmin whipped his head to look at Chan, who was leaning on the counter. He described what Hyunjin looked like as well. 

"Whoa, what a twist!" Chan said wide-eyed. He is used to hearing Seungmin talk about his failed attempts when encountering his crushes. "Did he seem to like you back?" Chan pried.

Seungmin frowned, "I don't think so..." 

_But he took a picture of me!! No... That doesn't mean anything. There was something kinda off about him anyway... Maybe he was just shy? I'm sure he'll be into me once he gets to know me. He probably doesn't even like boys! What am I saying? It's not like I'll ever meet him again. I didn't give him any way to contact me, and he's not just gonna appear magically in here if I keep thinking about him!_

Seungmin heard the chime of a bell that indicated someone opened the door. Chan quickly returned to work and Seungmin tried to make it seem like he wasn't slacking off.

"Hello, welcome, what can I get for you?" Chan greeted, in his signature fake customer service voice.

Seungmin was ready to assist Chan when he finally looked up. He saw a calm, emotionless face. The fluffy black hair, wearing a black beret; he wore a dark turtleneck sweater that was free from any wrinkles. It was-

"Hyun-," Seungmin choked.

His brain malfunctioned. His mind was racing as his body froze in shock. He had no idea what to do at this moment. Well, actually he did. If he were normal, Seungmin would just greet him like a functioning human being. Unfortunately, that state of being has no place in Seungmin's soul. Hyunjin started speaking, meanwhile, Seungmin knew his body was going to act faster than his mind, and make him do something dumb. As per usual.

"I-"

"AHH WHAT THE F-", Chan yelled, as Seungmin shoved (body slammed?) him to the floor. Seungmin switched his place with Chan like nothing even happened.

"I'll take your order now!" Seungmin excitedly assured, "umm... Don't worry about him." He acknowledged Chan, still on the floor, "I have to do that in order to remind him that it's still my shift hah."

Hyunjin's eyes widened as he ignored his excuses. His face showed only subtle surprise, despite witnessing Seungmin physically assault someone. 

"God, Seungmin, where did that strength come from? Oh, and also WHAT THE HELL," Chan started to rise up and glanced at the customer once again. Then the pieces started to fit together. "No way!! That's-"

Seungmin kicked him. Chan got the message, although the message can be delivered in ways other than violence. 

Hyunjin noticed him, "Seungmin." He stated, the words connected to no emotion. "I want one plain bagel, please."

 _Not even a simple 'hey nice to see you.'_ Seungmin could feel his heart breaking. _Fine, I'll give you a damn bagel, topped with the shattered remains of my heart._

Seungmin couldn't ignore the fact he was being overdramatic. They only exchanged a few words before, and those words weren't the greatest. But now he has a second chance.

"Okay, will that be it? How long do you want it toasted, and what do you want on it?" Seungmin added.

"I said, just plain," Hyunjin remarked as he handed Seungmin the money.

"Nothing?" Seungmin said, taking the money.

Hyunjin calmly shook his head.

"Not even toasted, just for a second?"

Once again, Hyunjin nodded 'no'.

Now Seungmin's soul was breaking. How could anyone eat a plain bagel? You might as well just eat cardboard. Even the demons who live in the depths of hell enjoy a nice, smooth cream cheese on their bagels. How could his soulmate be worse than that? How dare he mock the superb craftsmanship of bagel-making by eating a plain bagel. 

Seungmin attempted not to double over. It was hard with the weight of his crushed soul and shattered heart. Chan nonchalantly handed Hyunjin the bagel he ordered, noticing Seungmin was immobilized. They both watched Hyunjin stride over to the farthest table in the shop. It was far enough so that they can speak together again without Hyunjin listening in.

Seungmin let out the breath he seemed to be holding, "I guess this is goodbye... my soulmate."

They both leaned back on the counter as Chan spoke, "Hey... everyone has their flaws", he reassured.

Seungmin pouted, "Not everyone commits vile sins."

Chan decided he needs to go into motivational mode. "So what? You can't let one thing bring you down. You barely know anything else about him, maybe he makes up for eating plain bagels by doing awesome feats of heroism! You wouldn't know unless you get to know each other," Chan could feel the mood changing. "Hey, it must be fate that brought you two together again, you can't miss this opportunity!"

Seungmin managed to get a bit pumped up, "I-I guess, okay!"

Chan pursued, "It's fate! Destiny! Listen to your heart, find your destiny!"

"Uh-huh, ah, yes I'm listening!" Seungmin closed his eyes and stood, eager, and patient. Chan's eyes were shining with pride for his friend.

"I got it!!" Seungmin exclaimed, pointing his finger in the air. 

Chan held his breath, "What did it say?"

"It said," Seungmin paused. The suspense grew. "That I'm too cowardly to approach him."

"Ugh, lame," Chan sighed, as the apprehension vanished. 

The two boys sat in silence. It wasn't awkward, nor a comfortable silence. Just kind of... Strange. Seungmin never felt awkward around Chan, but there's something that's slightly abnormal. Seungmin couldn't tell what it was.

"By the way," Seungmin broke the quietness, grabbing Chan's attention, "I don't believe in destiny." Seungmin removed himself from the shop's counter and walked towards the back dining area. Chan watched him walk away; his elbow on the counter, and hands supporting his head. _Since when did he become so serious?_

Seungmin, full of nerves, moved in on Hyunjin's table, "Can I sit?"

Hyunjin hesitated but nodded 'yes'. Seungmin joined him, he tried not to stare but he couldn't help himself. He noticed his lips, his eyelashes, everything. The dark clothes matched well with the shadowed area he's sitting in. He creates the impression of a mysterious, enigmatic being. But Seungmin feels like he needs to gravitate towards him, for a reason he's been wanting to uncover for a while now. His dark eyes are looking down, reading a worn, probably old book. Seungmin assumes he probably has to take initiative now; Hyunjin isn't going to start any sort of conversation. Seungmin glanced down at his bagel, he only took one bite. He tried to pretend it didn't hurt him.

"Why didn't you didn't eat your bagel?" Seungmin questioned. 

Hyunjin closed his book with one hand, staring at the bagel with Seungmin. Every one of his actions radiated with neutrality.

"The wheat used to create this bagel..." Hyunjin contemplated for a second, "was treated poorly."

_HUH??_

Seungmin thought he was joking, but the two of them met eyes and he concluded Hyunjin was being serious.

"I can adjudge simply by tasting it, I can sense the bitterness. Plants are living creatures, just like humans and other animals. If a hog lives a stressed life, his meat won't taste good; A vegetable that gets thrown about, won't taste good. You reap what you sow. This bagel lived a dismal life."

Seungmin was perplexed, "I see." He shifted in his chair subtly, "I never thought about it that way." Hyunjin looked away but then looked back down.

"You don't want to eat-, hurt this bagel and see it suffer any more than it already has, I appreciate that!", Seungmin smiled at him.

Hyunjin made a hum of neither agreement nor disagreement. He fiddled with the edge of his novel. Seungmin wasn't sure if he should stay or go, but he found himself still hanging on to this conversation. 

"What are you reading?," Seungmin asked. He hoped Hyunjin wasn't annoyed by his questions; he can tell he likes to be private.

Hyunjin turned the book to look at the faded cover, "The Old Man and The Sea." Hyunjin began to explain the plot before Seungmin could reply. He told Seungmin about the old man, who spent months trying to, and eventually failing to catch a huge marlin. He interpreted his epic adventure about killing sharks or whatever. Seungmin sort of spaced out and stopped listening, looking at Hyunjin instead. He looked happy, talking about his book. It made Seungmin happy too, he can tell Hyunjin doesn't get the chance to talk about the things he likes. Even though he knows little about him, Seungmin was glad Hyunjin peeked out from behind his usual emotionless demeanor.

"-the powerful concepts were represented perfectly," Hyunjin finished, his words just fading into existence for Seungmin. 

Seungmin fixed his posture as he seemed to have slouched a bit, "Oh, yeah wow, sounds like an amazing book." He wanted to care but books were so damn boring for him. He just wanted to stare at Hyunjin's beautiful face.

Hyunjin changed his expression, back into a poker face in which Seungmin could not read. Did Seungmin upset him? He was about to speak but Hyunjin chimed in.

"Pertaining to what I said, the old man lives a minimalist life. He only holds a few sentimental items. That is what I strive to be like. Living such a great life with such few things."

Seungmin pondered, "But I like my things," Seungmin thought of his computer, his bike, and the other various possessions that gave him joy.

Hyunjin put his head down, "You like them- until you realize the weight they hold. Decluttering your space, in turn, declutters your mind. An object thrown away loses its value, therefore you have no need to worry over it," Hyunjin looked back at Seungmin, "Get rid of everything- your mind will have nothing to fear." Hyunjin's eyes glittered.

A chill crept up Seungmin's spine. _Nothing to fear? That would be nice,_ He thought to himself. What was Seungmin afraid of? Just the usual, darkness, monsters, talking to crushes. He didn't need to practice minimalism, he'll just let Hyunjin enjoy it. 

"Eh, I'd rather just see a therapist for my worries, I don't need to throw perfectly good things away," Seungmin tried to be playful but Hyunjin looked stoic. 

"The natural world may not appreciate that." Hyunjin crossed his arms; he turned his head to look straight at Seungmin. "It works tirelessly to provide a spirit of graciousness. If you are too occupied with other affairs, the ire of nature condemns you to punishment."

"Oh... I'll be careful." Seungmin ripped his gaze away from Hyunjin's. Hyunjin cleared his throat, "It may be necessary." 

Seungmin took a quick look at the clock: _5:57 PM. Shoot._ Seungmin's work shift is almost over. He didn't even notice the sun start to set. He also realized that Hyunjin has been here for over half an hour. His business was done, he disapproved that bagel already; he could have left, but stayed to talk to Seungmin. A wave of sudden anxiety washed over him. _I need to ask him out- I mean - ask him to hang out._

Seungmin stammered, "C-can I have your phone number, oh, I-I mean we should just hang out again sometime." _Nice one._

"I don't have a cell phone," Hyunjin replied, standing up out of his chair, grabbing his book.

"We can still hang out, right?" Seungmin got up from his chair as well and saw uncertainty in Hyunjin's face, "Like- just be together again."

"Why me?" Hyunjin asked simply as he avoided Seungmin's gaze.

Seungmin didn't know how to answer that. _Because I like you? You're strange and I like it? Your presence holds a strange aura that pulls me towards you?_

"Just cus," Seungmin laughed, flustered as he put his hand behind his neck.

Hyunjin started stepping slowly away from him until his back faced Seungmin, "I'll be taking pictures at the park when the sun rises." He hid his face as he walked out the door, the bell's chime ringing a goodbye. Seungmin saw Chan behind the counter, asleep. 

"HEYY!" Seungmin shouted, startling Chan awake. "I'm going to tell the manager you're sleeping on the job!"

"Yeah well, I'm going to tell the manager that you flirt with our customers!" Chan challenged.

"Bet."

"Bet!"

Chan and Seungmin gathered their belongings and clocked out. They made sure to lock the store's door behind them. 

"You seem happy, did it go well?" Chan asked Seungmin.

"What? Oh, yeah I guess he told me I can hang with him," Seungmin replied, putting on his jacket and mounting his bike.

"So, a date?" Chan grimaced.

"No! I mean, we're just friends." _Did Hyunjin see him as a friend?_

"Oh... I see. You got friend-zoned," Chan sarcastically shook his head.

"Ugh, no, nevermind. See ya later Chan!" Seungmin took off as Chan said his goodbyes.

"Bye, Minnie!"

-

Seungmin laid in bed, under his blue comforter. He tossed and turned and kept looking back at the clock on his nightstand. _1:00 AM,_ the clock showed him, mockingly. Supposedly, he was going to be meeting Hyunjin at the park early in the morning. He was not a morning person, however. Seungmin made a noise of frustration, he usually has no problem falling asleep, but tomorrow he was meeting Hyunjin. The mysterious boy that he feels an odd connection with. 

_A date? No, Hyunjin doesn't feel that way towards me, he was even reluctant to agree to be with me. I guess I could just pretend it's a date, ugh no, that wouldn't be fair to Hyunjin's feelings. Stop thinking about this! Just fall asleep, stupid brain!_ Seungmin's mind raced as he dug his head into his pillow. Eventually, his stupid brain wandered into a state of silence.


	3. Beauty

_"But this beauty of Nature which is seen and felt as beauty, is the least part. The shows of day, the dewy morning, the rainbow, mountains, orchards in blossom, stars, moonlight, shadows in still water, and the like, if too eagerly hunted, become shows merely, and mock us with their unreality. Go out of the house to see the moon, and 't is mere tinsel; it will not please as when its light shines upon your necessary journey. The beauty that shimmers in the yellow afternoons of October, who ever could clutch it? Go forth to find it, and it is gone: 't is only a mirage as you look from the windows of diligence." - Nature, Chapter III, "Beauty."_

The morning sun barely peeked over the green rolling hills as Seungmin trudged along on his bicycle. His three hours of sleep did not help him as he swerved off the path into the brush multiple times already. Although he preserved, he was on a mission. He was meeting Hyunjin. He assumed that Hyunjin was going to be in the same spot the last time they met here. He hoped this meeting will be different from last time as well. He really wants to be friends with Hyunjin, he feels like he must. Seungmin tried to pinpoint his exact feeling. It was like he wanted to help Hyunjin. Save him? From what? Seungmin lifted his legs off the pedals as he glided freely downhill. Perhaps Hyunjin just needed a friend. Simple as that. 

_Oh!_ Seungmin saw a figure in the distance. He quickened his pace as the hill flattened and gave way to a clearing with a pond, Hyunjin standing at the water's edge. He began to slow down, kicking the kickstand on his bike once he stopped. Seungmin hesitated a bit before finally hopping off and walking down to join Hyunjin. Today, Hyunjin was wearing a gray sweater, a black scarf that snaked around his neck, and black pants that appeared freshly ironed. He had his polaroid camera too, of course. He was here just to take pictures, Seungmin had to remind himself. Maybe he hyped himself up a bit too much. He was just about as useful as a caddie, a caddie with no golf clubs. 

Surprisingly, Hyunjin was the first to speak, "You got little sleep last night." He didn't look back at Seungmin as he approached. Hyunjin was holding his camera in his hands, not taking any pictures as he just cradled it. 

"Ah, can you tell?" Seungmin grunted as he plopped down on the soil, brushing off the dirt on his plain green sweatshirt. 

"It is quite obvious, nature told me beforehand anyway", Hyunjin replied. 

Seungmin pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his shins. He looked up at Hyunjin, "What do you mean?"

Hyunjin's eyes wandered over the landscape. "The way the wind blows, how tree leaves flutter to the Earth, the way the fauna lives in its glory. Its a complex language. Oh, and it told me someone wasn't appreciating it; someone too sleepy to acknowledge its beauty. I can only postulate that you're the culprit."

"Ugh, okay I apologize," Seungmin replied wearily, accepting defeat. 

"No need to fret, nature is forgiving," Hyunjin assured. He bent down to look in the water. "If your sins aren't too reprehensible."

Seungmin heard little bubbles and ripples coming from the pond. He wondered why Hyunjin liked this place so much; his love for the natural world piqued Seungmin's attraction towards him. The way he closed his eyes sometimes to listen to the birds and buzzing insects. He would stare at trees with great consideration while others wouldn't even give a second glance. Seungmin wondered why he liked this area in particular. Sure, it was quite secluded, maybe he just liked this pond specifically. Hyunjin's psyche was too difficult for Seungmin to understand. If his brain were a book Seungmin wouldn't understand a single word of it. But he was sure going to try.

"How can I tell if it forgave me?" Seungmin asked, innocently. He was drawing random shapes in the dirt with his fingers.

Hyunjin looked towards Seungmin, his eyes filled with bewilderment combined with awe. Like he's been waiting to answer that question for centuries. 

"There's never a definitive pardon- try to listen carefully and evaluate yourself."

Seungmin released his legs from his arms and laid on his back, closing his eyes. He spread his arms and legs out like a starfish, embracing the cool air, grass, and dirt around him. He listened, just like Hyunjin told him too. The wind was subtle, the could feel the tiniest breeze on his skin. Birds chirped their morning song as owls whooed their goodbyes. The trees stayed silent as the wind was too weak to bother them. The grass made his clothes slightly wet because of the morning dew. What was Seungmin trying to do again? His mind quieted down as he drifted into darkness.

The sun was blinding as Seungmin awoke, his eyes flinched. He raised, resting his elbows in the dirt as he groggily came back into consciousness. _Oh right, I was here with Hyunjin... I WAS HERE WITH HYUNJIN!_ Seungmin shot up, still sitting down he looked around him. He saw Hyunjin a few feet away from, laying down on the grass. It stunned Seungmin a bit, he didn't think Hyunjin was the type to get his clothes dirty.

"I assume you found your answer," Hyunjin sat up as well. 

Seungmin was still a bit confused, "Huh?"

Seungmin noticed a small smirk in the corner of Hyunjin's lip. That was new. "You asked how to know whether nature forgave you or not, then you fell asleep. Nature allowed you to get your rest, it appears like you were forgiven."

"Heh, awesome," Seungmin beamed. He felt the heat on his skin, the sun was high in the sky, "hold on, how long was I asleep for?"

Hyunjin began to stand up, brushing off the excess grass off his clothes, "Perhaps, five hours?" 

_Gosh, and Hyunjin stayed with him for that long? Well, he was busy with his photography anyway._ "You probably took a lot of cool photos while I was out though."

Hyunjin moved so that Seungmin could see his side profile, looking out. He regularly gazed at the landscape that surrounded him. "Not much," he stated. 

Seungmin decided he should probably get up too, he stretched out his limbs as he noticed Hyunjin visibly wince. "What's wrong?" Seungmind questioned. 

"We should leave," Hyunjin said, turning around to start walking back to the main path.

 _We?_ "Oh, okay," Seungmin grabbed his bike and quickly followed.

The two trekked side by side in for a while, no one spoke. Hyunjin's arms were crossed and he looked down when he walked. _What was wrong? I guess Hyunjin is done with his work?_ Seungmin wondered. _Where the heck were they even going? Maybe he could listen to nature and find out._ The thought crossed his mind. Seungmin closed his eyes, he stepped carefully and listened to his surroundings. But there was nothing. Not a single rustle in the brush nor a chirp from a cricket. It made Seungmin flinch. His heart was beating relentlessly. His stomach hurt like he hasn't eaten in a week. His bike felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. It made him shake and he tried not to gain attention from Hyunjin. However, he appeared rather serious, not focusing on Seungmin at all. He didn't even look at the brush or trees around him, which he often did. 

"You sense it as well," Hyunjin enquired without facing Seungmin, "the deafening silence that pierces right through you."

"Y-yeah," Seungmin agreed. What was Seungmin feeling right now? Is this fear? Why would he be afraid? He's biked through this path a million times before. Does Hyunjin feel scared too? Seungmin didn't think nature could answer these questions for him. But he was sure Hyunjin was probably fine. He remembered yesterday when Hyunjin told him about his minimalist lifestyle; he keeps as little possessions as possible to eliminate fear, and worry. There was no reason for the universe to be mad at him. Hyunjin was definitely ok. 

The tension in the air dissipated as Hyunjin and Seungmin approached a busier area of the park. Seungmin let out a breath he was holding in. He relaxed his muscles that he didn't even know were stiff. Nature seemed to return to its normal state here, as to not meddle in the business of others. Seungmin kinda wanted to ignore what just happened, he didn't want to mention to Hyunjin that he almost felt like fainting. 

_Does this mean Hyunjin's wants him to go?_ Seungmin thought to himself. His stomach filled with worry again.

"I probably need to go home and get ready for work," Seungmin pointed out, trying to eliminate the lingering awkwardness in the air, "b-but we can hang out again! I mean, if you want."

"That is fine," Hyunjin replied. Seungmin couldn't read his expression, he looked neither relieved or annoyed.

Seungmin piped up, "Ok, cool, we can meet at the pond again."

"No," Hyunjin interjected, "not there. We need a proper location for a date this time."

"Yeah ok, I just thought you liked that place, WAIT-" Seungmin felt his heart almost leap out of his chest, "A-a date?" his heart was racing.

"Yes, you wanted to 'hang out'?" Hyunjin responded.

"Yeah, but hanging out and going on a d-date are two completely different things!" Seungmin said, his face getting red. Of course, he wanted to go on a real date with Hyunjin, but he did not expect this.

"Why?" said Hyunjin.

 _Ugh._ Seungmin was getting more red by the second. Did he really have to explain this? "Um, so, people who hang out are just friends! They like each other a lot but not enough to be dating. People who go on dates are like- boyfriend and girlfriend, they like each other even more than friends- they love each other." Seungmin held his breath and dared not look into Hyunjin's eyes or else he might really faint this time.

Hyunjin brought his hand up to his chin, "Is the feeling so different, that the two groups must be separated?"

Seungmin couldn't argue with that. He doesn't know the rules, how much liking is love. 

"I'll take some time to contemplate. I will meet you after your work, tomorrow evening." Hyunjin's cool gaze met with Seungmin's eyes.

"Okay, see you, Hyunjin," Seungmin replied, shyly. 

Hyunjin nodded as he walked back towards the direction the two just came from.

Seungmin topped his bike and watched Hyunjin walk away from him, "Wait, why are you heading back?"

Without stopping, Hyunjin simply said: "My apartment is this way." He stopped, "and, never visit the pond. Not for any of your endeavors." 

-

He wasn't lying, Hyunjin's home was truly this in this direction. Maybe he should have emphasized more to Seungmin to not visit the pond. There was an enticing energy building up in that clearing. However, it was an energy that was dangerous. Like a venus fly trap luring flies with sweet nectar preceding their execution. As he advanced, his pace hastens. Following the winding stone path, encompassed by the rolling hills that resembled crashing waves in an ocean storm. Usually, Hyunjin sees the hills as a peaceful babbling brook, however, now they showed it's sinister whitecaps; similar to a dog baring his white teeth at an enemy. Hyunjin was scared. A fear he hasn't experienced in a long while. He might have a hunch to what nature may be angry at him for. He couldn't overlook it. 

Hyunjin was panting by the time he arrived at the pond, like a defeated stray dog that lost in an altercation. He plopped down on his knees at the water's edge, the small waves deciding not to greet him. The sky was dark now, the clouds clustered and scoffed at Hyunjin. The gale was now tormenting him, ruffling his once shiny black hair into a wild mess. He placed his camera beside him.

Hyunjin scrunched his eyes as his head ached, "God, what do you require from me?" Hyunjin asked smoothly but with hidden desperation. The world didn't answer him back. It ignored him to demonstrate that it was a foolish question; Hyunjin already knew the provocation. 

Hyunjin shakily reached into his front pocket and took a few polaroid pictures out. He looked at them with uncertainty. His previously emotionless eyes now filled with unease. They were pictures of Seungmin. The polaroids displayed Sengmin sleeping peacefully sleeping in the grass from earlier today. 

Hyunjin liked how Seungmin looked in these pictures. The calm energy that surrounded him, his fawn brown hair mixing with the green ryegrass. He had to take a picture. Why was he interested in this boy? He listened to his stories and genuinely wanted to be with him. Hyunjin has never encountered someone like that before. The natural world was the only thing that influenced his life until now. Seungmin made him feel happy, but there was a separate feeling alongside. What was this feeling? Hyunjin perilously wanted to find out. A feeling so distant, but so familiar. It was a taste at the tip of his tongue. Hyunjin clutched the images.

He let out a few shaky breaths. A slight breeze pushed him ever so subtly. He tossed the pictures in the water, his hand stilled in the air. He reached in his other pocket to take out another polaroid, the one with Seungmin riding his bike on the path; his first encounter with Seungmin. Without looking down, he threw it as well, joining the other floating photographs. Hyunjin swallowed harshly. The weight of the water eventually enveloped the objects as they sunk down. 

Hyunjin recollected himself but still struggled to stand up. "I have atoned for my sins," he claimed. Hyunjin listened desperately for any sign that his amends were enough. Nature was forgiving, right? He had no doubt. But his doubts were revealed when he could only hear the trill of a lone cricket, a cricket longingly searching for a mate. Singing its song to no avail. Nature was reprimanding Hyunjin in a mockingly matter. 

Hyunjin returned to his stoic state. He walked back home, leaving his camera behind.


	4. Language

_"The corruption of man is followed by the corruption of language. When simplicity of character and the sovereignty of ideas is broken up by the prevalence of secondary desires, the desire of riches, of pleasure, of power, and of praise, -- and duplicity and falsehood take place of simplicity and truth, the power over nature as an interpreter of the will, is in a degree lost; new imagery ceases to be created, and old words are perverted to stand for things which are not; a paper currency is employed, when there is no bullion in the vaults. In due time, the fraud is manifest, and words lose all power to stimulate the understandings or the affections." -_ Nature, _Chapter IV, "Language."_

Seungmin found himself staring out the window. He was at work, he watched the branches of trees wave in the breeze. A sense of deja vu washed over him. Time seemingly slowed down as Seungmin heard the clock tick away. The hands patiently waiting for their turn to move. Seungmin's mind was occupied with thoughts of Hyunjin. These days, his mind was always thinking about the black-haired boy. The butterflies in his stomach were exhilarating when Hyunjin popped into his head. 

And they were going on a date. Hyunjin and Seungmin.

Seungmin suppressed a smile and bit down on his tongue. Seungmin wasn't sure if Hyunjin truly understood the concept of a date and he perceived it as just being together. Probably just as friends. But maybe he thought overwise. Seungmin had no clue. 

Hyunjin was a pretty strange dude. Pretty and strange. His uniqueness was endearing. Seungmin will probably never meet someone like him again, he wants to cherish their friendship, as Seungmin could guess, Hyunjin doesn't have a plethora of acquaintances. He wondered why. Hyunjin wasn't mean, perhaps he just doesn't want any friends. Gosh, is Seungmin intruding on his private life? What if Hyunjin is only agreeing to be with him to save Seungmin's feelings?

 _Urgh, stupid brain! Stop being stupid!_ Seungmin gritted his teeth.

"You seem bothered," said a voice, it was Chan.

The bagel shop was never busy in the evening (who wants a bagel at 5 pm?) so Chan and Seungmin just lazed behind the counter, watching the clock tick by. 

Seungmin leaned back in his chair and got straight to the point, "Well, actually I'm seeing Hyunjin again after work." Seungmin decided not to mention that it was technically a date, but not really, but in a sense, it could be, although not likely, but probable. Anyway- something in the back of his mind told him he shouldn't share that info with Chan. Chan was his best friend, why didn't he want to tell him about the "date?" The secrecy made him feel a bit guilty.

Chan was sitting across from him on the table counter, "Oh, I thought he friend-zoned you, hey... Are you switching best friends!?" Chan looked hurt.

Seungmin laughed, "No way! You'll always be my BFF, Channie!"

Chan smirked, "Yeah, actually, I already knew that, of course, I'm irreplaceable." 

"You're the worst," Seungmin rolled his eyes.

"Why do you like that guy anyway?"

Seungmin was surprised by Chan's question. Mostly because he wanted to know the answer as well. It should have been simple. Hyunjin was attractive, mysterious, and emanated a cool vibe that Seungmin simply loved. However, there appeared to be something more, something hidden in the intramuscular layer that could not be reached. Something that truly revealed his sudden attentiveness to that boy. 

"Hm, nevermind, I was just asking cus he kinda gives off an... Hmm, what's the word, uh, premonition?" Chan concluded.

 _Did Chan feel it too? The energy that surrounded Hyunjin?_ He didn't think "premonition" was the right word to describe it.

"You don't even know what that means!" Seungmin retorted. "But... I guess I feel something similar," Seungmin reluctantly agreed. 

"Just know," Chan started in a caring voice, "consent is key, you can always say no."

"Oh my God," Seungmin physically and mentally face-palmed. What did he think Hyunjin was going to do to him? He shouldn't have trusted Chan to be serious with him.

Chan shrugged, "Hey man, don't say I didn't warn you. You don't know what destiny has in store for you."

"I won't need to say anything to you," Seungmin breathed. "And, I already told you, I don't believe in destiny."

Chan hopped down from the counter, "Yeah, but what if it believes in you?"

Seungmin stood up and put his hands on his hips, looking skeptical, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I dunno, I was just trying to be deep."

"Ugh." It was Seungmin's nth "ugh" of the day.

The clock pursued in its never-ending ticking. _6:00 PM._ It was time to leave. 

"Where are you guys going anyway?" Chan questioned as they got ready to head on out. 

"I'm not sure yet." 

The two walked out the door like they do every day at 6 PM. The door's bell chimed, but it resonated a somber tune. Seungmin locked the shop, looking inside. _See ya tomorrow, bagels._

 _Oh!_ Seungmin looked around the market plaza. No Hyunjin. _He wouldn't forget, would he?_

"K, bye Min." Chan draped his jacket over his shoulder, "Remember, I'm your bestest friend," he pointed to himself. Seungmin smiled in agreement, "Always, bye."

He watched chan stroll along the sidewalk, the street lamps illuminating his bleach-blond hair. Seungmin looked longingly at his friend. He hoped that he gets home safe.

"Seungmin." A voice suddenly appeared behind him.

Seungmin jumped. _Jeez!_ He whipped his head around, It was just Hyunjin. "God, you scared me."

Hyunjin resembled a shadow. He was wearing a black and gray striped sweater, a stylish black jacket covered him, and finally, of course, black pants. Formal as usual. But he blended right into the dark of the evening, the only contrast was his white face. Seungmin always felt underdressed around Hyunjin, he was only wearing his favorite sky blue sweater and blue jeans.

"Apologies," Hyunjin offered, showing little remorse. Seungmin could tell he wasn't good at showing his emotions.

"Oh, no problem, it's just starting to get dark outside, sorry I get off work so late, haha." Seungmin quickly unlocked his bike from the rack and joined Hyunjin. Hyunjin was a morning person so Seungmin felt bad they could only see each other at this time. 

"It's alright," Hyunjin said, his voice smooth. As soon as Seungmin got to his side, the two boys started walking down the street. Seungmin got shy. _Yeah, we're on a maybe-date._

"S-so, did you think of a place to go to for our- um to hang out?" Seungmin, too flustered to look at Hyunjin, just stared down the sidewalk. The streets were busy with cars and bikes as people returned home from their jobs. More street lights turned on as the sun set below the horizon, getting ready for the activities that nighttime brought. The stars began to slowly show themselves as the blue sky dissipated into darkness. 

"Yes," Hyunjin stated. He was fiddling with something in his jacket pocket. Hyunjin rarely expressed his anticipation through words, so he fidgeted often. It was cute.

The last thing Seungmin wanted was an awkward silence between them. This was his chance to converse properly with Hyunjin, no acting dumb this time, no falling asleep. He wanted to ask where they were going but perhaps Hyunjin wanted him to be patient. Maybe he should ask anyway. No.. How about... Um... _Seungmin, just say something!_ He scolded himself.

"So, how was your day?" Seungmin asked. _Wow, literally the boringest question on this planet,_ Seungmin internally cringed. Hyunjin was good at conversing once the ball started rolling though, Seungmin assured himself. 

"I waited for you," Hyunjin replied. Seungmin's heart jumped. _What!?_ There was no way anyone would sit for a whole day just for him. He must have done something else, or was he being sarcastic? _Wow, you're quite the joker, Hyunjin, hahaha._ He wanted to say, but the words caught up in Seungmin's throat, preventing him to respond. Thankfully, Hyunjin continued.

"And I waited," Hyunjin hesitated, "for nature to agree with me."

Seungmin didn't know what that meant. Hyunjin was always going on about nature this, and nature that. Seungmin wished he could understand, so in turn, he could understand Hyunjin. He wanted to like Hyunjin for more than just his pretty face and calm disposition. He so desperately wanted to understand. Was that the sense of connection he felt towards Hyunjin? Just simply wanting to figure him out? There was a pit in his stomach, the sensation was recognizable. The sensation you feel when you help someone up when they fall. 

_Let me understand you, Hyunjin; let me help you._

Seungmin found the courage to look up at Hyunjin, "Did it... Agree?" Seungmin asked cautiously like he shouldn't be asking. Or didn't want to know the answer.

Hyunjin ignored him, seemingly wanting to change the subject. "I can tell your day was satisfactory as well, the trees in front of the bagel shop are always happy."

Seungmin smiled even though Hyunjin blatantly dodged his question. It was whatever, Seungmin kept going, "I wish I could see the world as you do, Hyunjin." The feeling in his stomach was starting to make Seungmin nauseous. _I can help you if I can see the universe akin to you._

Hyunjin smiled, almost showing his teeth. "You already do." 

"The universe, the soul, its all interconnected. If you can find it inside yourself and comprehend it's language, the knowledge is all yours."

 _W-what?_ Seungmin thought. _I-I'll never be able to find it!_

Seungmin didn't have time to think anymore about what he just said as Hyunjin kept going. The clinging of Seungmin's bike gears matched their steps.

"But," Hyunjin began again. The boys stopped at the crosswalk of an intersection. "Seungmin, your life is great. Apprehending the truth, enquiring nature itself; her ending may be dreadful. I have realized now, the truth is almost always unsatisfactory." Hyunjin took a breath, "You should know, nature can control your soul in its favor. Make you act in a way that opposes your morals and ethics." 

Hyunjin looked deeply into Seungmin's eyes, "I cherish you enough to instruct that advice."

Hyunjin ended his sentence and straightened his expression. Seungmin couldn't begin to comprehend what he was saying (once again). Seungmin tried to read his body language while they both faced each other, but Hyunjin looked down, his eyelashes covering his eyes. Was he warning him, or just giving him life odd life advice? Hyunjin cared about him more than Seungmin had realized. A surge of tingliness invaded every part of his body. Gosh, Seungmin felt like throwing up. He wanted to say so many things to him.

 _I don't care Hyunjin, my life will be better with you! I want to know the truth, no matter what. I'll even sell my soul for you!_ Seungmin felt ridiculous saying these things in his head. _I want to understand you more than anything else I desire,_ _Hy-Hyunjin I-_

"Hyunjin, I think I like you." _Shit, did I say that out loud!?_ Seungmin wanted to kick himself. 

The crosswalk light turned white, indicating pedestrians to cross.

Seungmin was embarrassed out of his mind, too scared to look at Hyunjin. His legs couldn't move. Then, a millisecond later, a cold finger touched Seungmin's. A finger turned into a few more until Hyunjin's entire palm clasped with Seungmin's hand. Seungmin carefully glanced up seeing Hyunjin's calm face. Hyunjin started to move, unfreezing Seungmin's legs. It was awkward for Seungmin to try and roll his bike in his left hand while Hyunjin held his other. Seungmin wished he could stay like this forever. Hyunjin fiddled with Seungmin's fingers and knuckles just like he does with his novels. Hyunjin still maintained his gaze in front of him like always. Everything felt like it disappeared out of existence. The roads, the cars, the buildings started to blur out of focus; it was just Hyunjin and Seungmin who mattered at this moment in time. Seungmin thought he just might faint. 

Before he did, they made it to the other side of the street. Seungmin probably would have made a chicken-crossing-the-road joke in this situation, but he was beyond flustered to even speak. Their hands left each other, Hyunjin placing his in his jacket pocket while Seungmin just awkwardly went to hold his bike handles. 

"We're going up there," Hyunjin pointed his head to a set of stairs leading up to a hill. Seungmin noticed this spot was close to the park. 

With Hyunjin leading the way, Seungmin followed. They had to take the long way with the ramp so Seungmin could take his bike. The hill they were climbing was one of the tallest in the city. It shared the same topography as the hills in the park. Grasses of various shades covered every bump and crevice. Trees dotted the terrain sparingly like they were saving space for next season's flowers. 

Seungmin let out a breath of nervous energy. They had a while before they reached the top and Seungmin really, really, needed an answer to a specific question, "What do you think about me?" He asked Hyunjin. Seungmin has never been so embarrassed in such a short time-span in his life. 

"What do you mean?"

"I-I said that I l-like you." Seungmin cringed, he said it already, so he might as well emphasize it now. Nothing more to lose, his pride was gone. 

"Like a friend?" Hyunjin responded without looking behind. He continued on, ignoring (or pretending not to know) Seungmin's current state of discomposure.

"N-no! L-like a boyfriend." Seungmin wanted to bury himself in a hole, his heart was beating so damn fast.

"Does that make me the girlfriend?" 

"God, no, no, you're the b-boyfriend!" _Was Hyunjin joking with him?_

"So... You are the friend then?" Hyunjin said patiently.

"NO! we are both the boyfriend! There are no girlfriends or friends involved!" Seungmin exasperated, making him more tired alongside climbing the hill. Hyunjin had way more stamina than him. Seungmin was shocked he hasn't gone into cardiac arrest yet. He tried to hide his heaving breaths.

"We share the same title? I see now, I can reciprocate the same feelings easier that way." 

Was that Hyunjin's weird way to confess? Does he finally get it now? Seungmin avoided questioning him further, his heart and mind started to slow down now. He wanted to savor this moment of clarity.

The concrete ramp finally halted as they reached the summit. _Wow._

They were at a high point in the city, the hill looked over the entire metropolis. The shimmering lights of cars and buildings imitated the stars in the night sky. The city remained busy even after the sunset. He could see every valley and slope from the nearby park, it looked like a green ocean. Seungmin wondered why Hyunjin chose this place. It seemed out of character. Hyunjin, being a minimalist, should enjoy a simple walk, or a quick visit to a coffee shop. Admiring a whole city didn't seem like something that would be at the top of Hyunjin's agenda. Seungmin didn't complain though, this was amazing.

"What are we gonna do up here?" Seungmin whispered, just loud enough for Hyunjin to hear. His anxiety almost left completely, but some of it still stirring inside his body.

Hyunjin stared out at the horizon, his face softened, "I don't know."

Seungmin was fine with that. As long as he was Hyunjin, he didn't care. 

He let his bike fall down to the ground. Seungmin excitedly plopped down on the soft ryegrass, near where the hill sloped down; his legs out in front of him as his arms supported him from behind. Hyunjin sat neatly criss-cross beside him. This was perfect. The grass felt cool on his skin, the wind picked up the nice scents from the city; trees stood tall and happy, offering their branches to the birds. Seungmin felt so free, so... Complete. He felt like he could say or do anything without consequences. 

"Hey... Hyunjin," Seungmin began. He wasn't sure what exactly he was going to say next, he just let his mouth move on his own, "I've been wondering, ah, well too be honest, ever since I met you... God, we've only known each other for less than a week."

Hyunjin rested his head on his palm, "Hmm?" 

Seungmin digressed, "Sorry, uh... Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say I've felt a weird connection towards you since we met, like a feeling of purpose. I want to understand you and help you- um maybe those aren't the right words." Seungmin's heart began to flutter, Hyunjin was quite close to him, he could hear his steady breaths. "M-maybe you sense something too, um, about me?" Seungmin stammered. Hyunjin was looking at him with his head to the side like a confused dog. 

Seungmin spun around to his side to face Hyunjin head-on, "I'm sorry Hyunjin! I'm terrible at explaining things with words!"

With no hesitation to be seen, Seungmin leaned in. Perhaps a little too fast as he bumped into Hyunjin's nose. Then their lips met. Seungmin was in quite an awkward position so he grasped Hyunjin's nape to steady himself. Hyunjin placed his hands on Seungmin's knees. Seungmin should have just gone for a peck, but love made his boldness innumerable. Hyunjin started to move his lips slightly against Seungmin's. Seungmin poured every ounce of emotion in his body; his untold words and feelings clustering together in one passionate kiss. Seungmin swiftly pulled back as he moved his shaky hands onto Hyunjin's shoulders. His audaciousness barely hung on as he met eyes with the black-haired boy. He was taken aback; Hyunjin looked effectively shocked. He was blushing like crazy, eyed widened in surprise as his lips quivered from the sudden intimacy. Seungmin has never seen such emotion on Hyunjin's face before. It was like his microexpression was frozen in time. He wanted to put it up in a museum with a caption that read: _Seungmin caused this!_

Seungmin snapped back into reality when the euphoria of the situation faded away. He let go of Hyunjin's shoulders and flopped on his back, covering his face with his arm. He returned back into his awkward and embarrassed self. _Was that too much?_

"Ah, I-" Seungmin tried to speak but before he could finish, he heard Hyunjin's soft voice.

"I... Sense something as well." 

_Oh?_

A few moments later, the trees around them rustled periodically before stilling. The grass felt itchy on Seungmin's skin. The aura around them changed uncomfortably. _What happened?_ Was nature mad at them like yesterday? Seungmin tried to think of what he did to anger nature, but he could think of nothing. Then, came the silence, the same, piercing silence that cut through every organ in the body. There were endless cars on the roads that dare not make a noise. The sounds of the city just stopped. 

He turned his head towards Hyunjin, his face went back to being somewhat neutral, despite the lingering blush, "Do you feel strange, Hyunjin?"

Hyunjin responded immediately, "No."

"Hah, nevermind I was just imagining things," Seungmin shrugged it off. 

But he couldn't. The stagnant air was trying to suffocate him, the grass on his skin poked him like a hundred needles; something bad was happening. Was it just him? He looked over at Hyunjin, he looked fine. Seungmin pretended like his lungs weren't rejecting every oxygen molecule as he tried to breathe. 

"Ah, okay, huh, well what do you wanna talk about?" Seungmin exhaled, wanting to ignore the fact they sort of made out a few seconds ago. Oh and also he wanted to ignore the pressurizing tension that was currently attempting to crush him.

"I have to go, Seungmin." Hyunjin stood up, staggering ever so slightly.

Seungmin was shocked, "Huh, Huh? What, why?" He felt dizzy as he tried to stand as well but then restored to sitting on his knees.

"I will be right back," Hyunjin assured. "I promise," he tried to reassure Seungmin again.

"But-" Seungmin began.

"Please," Hyunjin interrupted, "Do not follow me." His eyes were showing an emotion that Seungmin has not seen on Hyunjin's face before. What was it? Desperation? Worry? Fear?

Before Seungmin could protest once more, Hyunjin was gone. His lungs allowed him to breathe again but his heart remained heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gasp!


	5. Discipline

_"Nature is a discipline of the understanding in intellectual truths." -_ Nature, _Chapter V, "_ Discipline."

Hyunjin closed his eyes as he walked down the staircase. He left Seungmin behind, he couldn't let him be involved. Hyunjin needed to finish something important. An ordeal that he should have confronted sooner.

He walked, and then ran, hoping the steps of the stairs would catch him each time his foot met the ground. His legs moved by instinct, an invisible force pushed him forward. He ran endlessly down the street. The streetlights appearing then disappearing before him. The sidewalk ended and turned into grass and soil, and soon he met the stone paths of the park. Before his body gave up, he arrived. 

He arrived at what once was his favorite place. The open clearing surrounded by hills, the stone path that guided you to beautiful valleys, the green grass dotted with yellow flowers. And in the center, the pond. The pond, full of little organisms, grateful for the protection and life the water provided. But now, it was a raging whirlpool. An ocean riddled with terrible, and hungry sea monsters. 

The whirlpool sucked Hyunjin in. He staggered as he walked towards the hellish water. His head hurt and his body shook with fear. 

This was his punishment. Nature shunned him and showed her rage. This was his punishment for befriending Seungmin. 

He rejected his lifestyle for him. The lifestyle he swore by, how he never needed friends to be happy. He was always diligent in ridding of his possessions and staying private. His life was made better by being a minimalist. But now he wanted to keep something, just one thing.

He wanted Seungmin. More than anything. Hyunjin got sad when he wasn't around Seungmin. And then when Seungmin kissed him- he never felt something like that before, he never attached an emotion to someone or something. Hyunjin's once empty and peaceful mind was now constantly occupied with thoughts of Seungmin. His mind was chaos now. Perhaps this was what nature was warning him about? The deafening silence he experienced was a tormenting warning. A warning to stray away from Seungmin. 

He fell to the ground by the water. The stars in the sky watched him silently. He slowly looked down at the water. There was no reflection. The Earth ignoring his spirit and soul. His head hurt bad, the migraine blurred his vision. 

Hyunjin started to breathe heavily. He reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out a knife, his hands shook. He held the steak knife by the blade, the metal dug into his fingers and palm as he held it out. Blood dripped down Hyunjin's forearm before the red raindrops fell into the dark water. 

Hyunjin grunted in pain, "Ah, I brought this just for you, will this display suffice?" The knife continued his work as Hyunjin applied more pressure. "You are quite selfish, you desire more than I do. Is my pain not enough?"

Hyunjin attempted to sacrifice his own blood. A part of himself in exchange for- Seungmin. 

The blood painted lines on his arm until the portrait was covered with crimson liquid. The blood-filled water attracted no sharks. It wasn't enough. His head felt like exploding. Hyunjin was too far gone now.

Nature seized complete, utter control over him. 

"AH-" Hyunjin winced in agony, dropping the knife on the shore. "Ugghh, God, why?" A new feeling enveloped Hyunjin, a feeling that was small at first but now overtook him. What was it? It was familiar. But it was a feeling he had no control over. It was a horrible feeling, a wretched sense that wracked Hyunjin's body. However, the smallest part of his body sensed hope. A futile escape from his mind's endless suffering. 

"H-hyunjin?"

An escape-

Hyunjin whipped his head around. His head cleared for a second before returning to disarray. 

"I told you not to follow me, Seungmin," Hyunjin quietly said, hiding his arm. He made a noise of pain. 

Seungmin was panting, indicating that he rushed here. He dropped his bike and called out again, "Hyunjin, what's the matter, oh- God, Hyunjin, your arm!" Seungmin acknowledged Hyunjin's bloody arm he attempted to hide.

Seungmin slowly approached him like he was a scared dog. He desperately wanted to tell him to stay away, but something in the back of his brain advised him against it.

_Oh. I see now._

He noticed tears rolling down Seungmin's cheek, "Hyunjin, what-" The sight made him lose his words. 

Hyunjin's breath hitched with pain. The world around him was spinning. Every plant, star, and blade of grass was in anarchy. Every inch of Hyunjin's body was shaking in misery. His thoughts a bloody battle. It was more painful than a cut from the sharpest knife. Hyunjin just wanted clarity, to be free from this illness. The familiar feeling from seconds earlier ravished his body, as to remind Hyunjin of its existence. 

_I want my mind to be free from pain, I need-_

"Oh, I understand," Hyunjin faced Seungmin, who was crouched down beside him, speechless. 

"Hyunjin... I don't-"

Hyunjin interrupted him, "This sense, this feeling, this reaction; I understand now."

Hyunjin retrieved the knife from the dirt. The universe paused in anticipation. Without warning, Hyunjin's hand drove the knife into Seungmin's chest, just below the sternum. 

Hyunjin's hand maintained its pressure on the handle, "This feeling... I experience it when I need to throw away something that's weighing me down."

Hyunjin peered straight into Seungmin's eyes, inches away. They were wide, the only part of his body that could react. When the world sped up again, Seungmin glanced down where Hyunjin stabbed him and screamed in agony. 

"FUCK, AH-" Seungmin lunged forward, knocking Hyunjin to the ground. Hyunjin's head slammed down and dazed him as Seungmin toppled him, trying to pin him down. Seungmin shoved his knee into Hyunjin's stomach and forced his arms to the ground. His attempt failed as Hyunjin managed to overpower him. Hyunjin forced his knees up which imbalanced Seungmin's legs as he loosened his grip on Hyunjin's uninjured arm. He seized this opportunity and grabbed the knife, which was still inside Seungmin, and ripped it out.

Seungmin's harrowing cry reverberated throughout the landscape. It would have been heard by many, but the hills surrounding the clearing drowned out the sound before it climbed its way out. Blood flowed like a stream out of Seungmin's torso and onto Hyunjin. His favorite blue sweater resembled a red horizon during sunset. Seungmin's limbs gave in as he flopped down pathetically, clutching his stomach as he writhed in pain. 

Hyunjin let out an exasperated breath as he rose back up, "Seungmin, I informed you about how decluttering your space clears the mind."

Seungmin said nothing, his eyes were scrunched closed as he breathed heavily. Not yet fainting. 

Hyunjin was positioned on his knees, bearing over Seungmin like a looming shadow. His disposition displayed his normal, calm self. His arm was becoming numb. The cut he inflicted on himself from earlier was not planning to cease its outflow. He looked at his red hand.

_For what reason did I do that to myself? I forgot..._

He glanced down at Seungmin, "You arrived in my space, it made me- happy," Hyunjin choked. "But, perhaps it became too much for me. I was happy before too."

Seungmin was unconscious now. He had no chance to exchange a last word with the boy he loved. 

"I'm not allowed to like as plentiful as I liked you. It makes nature mad- it fills my head with tormented thoughts."

Hyunjin put the knife back into his jacket pocket. "I was aware, but I foolishly kept you with me. I ignored the weight you suppressed me to."

Hyunjin sighed, "Every object, everything, serve their purpose. Thank you for serving your purpose with me, Seungmin."

Hyunjin bent down and shoved Seungmin's bloodied body into the pond. Hyunjin fully understood now.

Nature craved Seungmin's blood. 

"Do not fret, Seungmin. All of nature is connected, she will accept you as you return to the Earth and become one with the plants and fauna." 

Seungmin's body laid just above the surface of the pond, the water too shallow to envelop him. The water now crimson with blood as it seeped into the water like oil. The intense burden that plagued Hyunjin's body and psyche released him. A light breeze stroked his skin, it was cold on his wet, bloodied arm. The trees shifted in sync with the wind, agreeing with its movement. The brush shuffled as small nocturnal animals grazed. The hills simulated a babbling brook with the wind, the calming noise filled Hyunjin's ears. Nature returned to the state which Hyunjin loved dearly. The state that cleared Hyunjin's worries and fears. The state which offered beautiful pictures. 

"I cannot wait to see you then, Seungmin." 

-

_Huh? ah, that was such a bad dream... Why won't my body move? Where was I..._

Seungmin's eyes opened half-way. His body couldn't muster any more strength to open them all the way. Everything was dark, cold, and wet. And he wasn't in his bedroom. He was laying on his side in a body of water. He tried to get up, or at least attempt to move any of his limbs. It was a useless struggle. 

Searing, agonizing pain shot through his sternum as it shuddered his entire body. Every inch of skin tingled with numbness when the realization hit Seungmin. 

_I'm dying._

His eyes were opened just enough to discern the bloody scene in front of him. Was this the end? He wanted to share so many more moments with Chan, visit so many more places, and just wanted to see what the future kept for him. Other than the horrible pain from his wound and the fact that he was literally bleeding out, Seungmin didn't exactly feel like he was dying. His life wasn't flashing before his eyes like how death is depicted in the movies. He wasn't as scared as he thought he should be. He just felt lonely. It felt like time was slowing down, but it wasn't. People were still continuing on with their lives while Seungmin lay here. It was so, so lonely. Where is-

_Hyunjin._

_He tried to kill me._

That thought hurt Seungmin more than a thousand knife wounds. The reason he lay here dying was the result of Hyunjin's doing.

_I will never understand...you. Why...?_

There was no energy left in Seungmin's body to even think coherently anymore. He couldn't feel any part of his body anymore. The fact that there was even blood left in his body, and his heart was still beating, was surprising. _ahh, I'm tired I wanna sleep._

Seungmin's ears picked up the distant sound of an ambulance. _Huh...? They... For me...?_

The last of his thoughts dissolved into nothingness as he slipped into a state of comatose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh I was gonna end the story right here but I'll probably keep going


	6. Complexity

Seungmin spent one week in the hospital.

A horrendous seven days when the paramedics found a kid laying in a pool of his own blood. On the very brink of death. Seungmin wasn't able to recall much of anything proceeding their discovery. He only remembered seeing blinding lights, hearing annoyingly loud sounds, and intense vibrations. 

It wasn't until the next day when he awoke in a hospital bed, Seungmin was able to assimilate the situation. Seungmin perceived reality in a dreamlike state. Nothing felt real. Chan sobbing next to him wasn't real. The words _liver laceration, emergency surgery,_ and _hemorrhagic shock_ were just gibberish as they passed through Seungmin's ears. The huge bandage around his abdomen was just an illusion. His eyes were just deceiving him, that was all. He would wake up from this nightmare at any moment. 

But Seungmin wasn't going to wake up. He was forced to accept the awful, horrid fact that what was happening to him was real life. The very real doctor in front of him recounted what happened. How they had to perform emergency surgery on him, and that based on the amount of blood he lost he should have been dead. That he was a miracle. The doctors and nurses kept going on about that. How they've never seen a case like his, an absolute miracle. It made Seungmin irritated. _No, I'm no miracle, I am truly unlucky._ Chan was next to him. Seungmin felt so guilty that Chan was burdened by him. He cried that he was so happy Seungmin was alive, and to not worry about anything. 

But the worrying never stopped. Despite being so doped up on pain medications, the ache from his racing thoughts continued. _How did you people find me? What's going to happen to me? Why do I feel so humiliated? Why? Why? Why? Where is Hyunjin?_

_Hyunjin. Hyunjin._

Seungmin began to recall the previous night. He was with Hyunjin. He kissed Hyunjin. Then the world stopped spinning. The next thing Seungmin remembered was Hyunjin leaning over him, blood everywhere. It was unbelievable. His mind could not understand why Hyunjin would ever do this to him. He thought Hyunjin liked him. Maybe even loved him. Was this why he felt humiliated? Because Seungmin was stupid enough to believe Hyunjin truly liked him. Stupid enough to fall for someone like him. Seungmin desperately tried to search for a reason for Hyunjin's actions. He was still in a state of shock; his brain not quite working enough for critical thinking.

The doctors left the room when Seungmin wasn't paying attention. Chan was still with him.

"Chan... I'm-," Seungmin's voice cracked.

"You don't have to speak to me... Please just rest." Seungmin could see it in his eyes that he was lying, he really wanted to know what happened. 

Chan was still trying to calm down. "Well... Um, I can tell you what the doctors told me, about how I found out you were here, I guess."

Seungmin neither said yes or no. But his silence was enough permission for Chan, as he explained his part of the story.

"So, I guess last night, someone heard a scream coming from the park. They called the emergency number... And well, the rest is obvious as the paramedics found you," Chan took a deep breath, "The person who called... God, whoever that person was s-saved your life, Seungmin." 

Seungmin had his eyes closed so he couldn't see Chan's reaction, but he could tell he started to cry again.

"The hospital staff took your phone and saw that I was the last person you contacted. So, they called me and asked me about my relationship with you- God it was so scary. They told me you were undergoing emergency surgery for abdominal trauma," Chan paused. Seungmin only heard his shallow breaths before he continued. "What happened next- I don't know, I got here so fast. You were still in the operating room- they told me it was really serious, and they didn't know if you were going to-"

Chan abruptly stopped talking. "Sorry... Maybe I should stop talking about this..." 

"But... There's something I don't get..." Chan continued nonetheless, "W-where is Hyunjin?"

Seungmins eyes flung open. That name, when said aloud, sent an unearthly feeling throughout Seungmin's body. 

The door to the hospital room opened as a nurse called out that visitors had to go.

Chan got up rather slowly. He sniffled a bit as he said goodbye to Seungmin. Seungmin opened his mouth to say bye as well, but it was too much to say the words. Everything was just too much for him to handle. He watched his best friend leave as an intense feeling of guilt washed over him. 

\- 

Seungmin's second day recovering in the hospital was almost as dreadful as the first. Apparently, word got out that a boy in the hospital survived a ' _parenchymal laceration of the liver, vascular avulsion, severe hypovolemic shock, extreme blah blah blah...'_ Yeah, Seungmin got the point, he really shouldn't be alive right now. The constant pain, throwing up, and the nurses injecting drugs into him every second already told him that. Hyunjin really did a number on him. _Hyunjin..._ Seungmin was up all night thinking about him. Hyunjin occupied his entire mind, similar to when Seungmin was crushing on him. But this time, instead of fervently wanting to ask ' _will you go out with me!?'_ it was now, ' _Why would you do this to me!?'_

Seungmin still couldn't figure out a concise conclusion to the latter question. He was further away from understanding Hyunjin than he had initially thought. His feelings toward Hyunjin has fluctuated since he ended up here. Yeah, he literally almost died at the hands of Hyunjin's, but those hands held Seungmin's the same evening. There was something, there was a missing factor that wasn't quite in place yet. 

While contemplating about Hyunjin last night, a serious realization came to fruition. The police were obviously involved.

Seungmin was found at a scene that must have looked like a complete massacre. Clearly, an attempt at murder was evident. Seungmin was the only one who knew the wrongdoer. And Chan- he is the only other person who knew what Seungmin was doing that evening. More specifically, he knew that he was with Hyunjin. Certainly, Chan acted goofy sometimes, but he wasn't stupid- he probably put the puzzle pieces together by now. 

That was why Seungmin was particularly irritated that day. 

The door of the room suddenly swung open which startled Seungmin, It was just Chan. He swiftly closed the door behind him. "Hahah, sorry if I scared you, there's just a bunch of scary-looking police guys out there. Also, some other people asked me about you, like newspeople, ahah everyone wants a piece of you."

Dammit. Seungmin knew it. He had to tell Chan-

"How are you feeling?" Chan asked him as he rolled a chair next to the bed. 

"Dead inside," Seungmin pouted, sitting up straighter in his bed.

"Well, that's valid," Chan smirked. He was leaning down with his arms on his thighs, fidgeting with the rings on his fingers.

Seungmin heard various different voices coming from the hallways. A surge of anxiety made his heart race.

"Ch-Chan, do you trust me?" Seungmin caught his attention.

"Oh, yeah, of course, Seungmin, what's wrong?" Chan froze with anticipation.

Seungmin had no time for hesitation, "I-I need you to never mention to anyone that I was with Hyunjin, at any time."

Chan merely stared back at him; his blank expression had his mouth slightly ajar. 

There was a knock on the door. A formal-looking lady let herself in and politely introduced herself, "Good afternoon, I'm Ms. Seo, a detective working on your case, Mr. Kim Seungmin." She noticed Chan, "Please, may I speak to him alone?" She smiled sweetly. 

Chan got up quickly, looking down. As he was leaving he glanced over at Seungmin, worryingly. Seungmin only gave him a serious look in return.

Ms. Seo sat down next to him as Seungmin's anxiety rose. _I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to you._

"So, I'm sure you know why I'm here, I'll just get straight to the point okay? Remember, I'm here to help you so don't be shy," Her brown eyes shined just below her black bangs. "Could you tell me what you were doing that evening, all details you can recall? Just mention anything that you deem fit." She took out a notebook and a pen.

Seungmin was beyond nervous, his head was down and he was rubbing his hands on his lap. "I was biking home from work, I wanted to take the long route home, so I went through the park. Then, I guess someone attacked me, I-I was really scared so I didn't get a good look at their face. Umm... I can't remember what else happened I was too scared."

Ms. Seo hummed and wrote down notes in her little notebook. "Ah, Mr. Kim Seungmin, I understand, you must have been terrified. Anything else, Anything at all? No need to be shy." 

"I said I can't remember," Seungmin said, frustrated. _I can't say anything about Hyunjin, I just can't,_ Seungmin thought to himself. _I can't let Hyunjin get caught by the police, I need to find him myself._

"I see," said Ms. Seo as she sighed and closed her notebook. "Can I proceed to inform you of my findings, then?" She crossed her legs.

This was the part Seungmin was afraid of. He gulped and nodded hesitantly. 

"Very well. When the police and I arrived at the scene, it was quite the sight. Not the most shocking thing I've witnessed in my career but still- Anyway, I noticed what I can only assume was your bicycle, was several meters away from that pond in the middle of the clearing. So, I can infer you probably left your bike to walk towards the pond, for whatever reason." She crossed her arms in contemplation, "Perhaps to examine something? Or someone, hmm?" 

Seungmin hated this. He struggled to maintain a deadpan expression as he got more irked by the second.

She continued, "Furthermore, it was almost impossible to get any blood, or organic evidence because of a small rain shower that occurred a few hours after you were found. Quite the coincidence, is it not? But- I didn't lose hope too quickly, fortunately, the police found some evidence..."

Seungmin couldn't take this much longer. 

Ms. Seo reached into her top-coat pocket and pulled out a plastic bag marked: EVIDENCE. Inside it, was a couple of polaroid photographs. They had slight water damage, but Seungmin could see what was pictured. It was him. It was him riding his bicycle in the park. It was him sleeping soundly on the soft grass of the hills. 

Seungmin's face must have looked like he's seen a ghost. Ms. Seo smiled at that, "I assume you know who took these pictures? Or why we found them in the pond, right at your crime scene?"

No, Seungmin didn't know the answer to the latter question, but he knew who took the pictures. Ms. Seo knew that whoever took these pictures of Seungmin, was the prime suspect. She put them away into her pocket once more. 

This was hard for Seungmin to comprehend. He was aware that Hyunjin had that picture of him when they first met. But the pictures of him sleeping, he wasn't aware of those. Hyunjin must have taken that when Seungmin fell asleep while they were together. But why were they in the water? This was all too confusing for Seungmin. Thinking about Hyunjin made him sad again.

"Hmm, such a gloomy look on your face. Someone very dear to you must've taken those photographs; How unfortunate that they were found in a bloody body of water. However, I am much compelled to learn who might've clicked that camera?"

Seungmin gritted his teeth. He wasn't going to tell her. A sly smirk almost broke out of his lips. The fact that he knew more than a police detective gave him a strange sense of authority. It was almost like a game.

"I forgot," Seungmin said, his voice condescending. "I must have hit my head hard that night."

Ms. Seo frowned but there was a glint in her eyes. She knew Seungmin suffered no such head injury. She uncrossed her legs and stood up elegantly. "I see. I suppose some people are easily forgettable."

Her disposition changed as she gave Seungmin a serious glare, "I hope you want to find the person who did this to you. I'll have you know- whoever committed this act is no friend. I trust that you will realize that soon. Perhaps I'm too impatient, I'll give you more time to yourself." She took out a business card and handed it to Seungmin. Seungmin reached out and swiped it. 

She began to return to her preppy mood again, "I will talk to you another time, Seungmin. Remember, I'm your friend. Do you have any questions? Concerns?"

In fact, Seungmin wanted to know one thing. He still maintained his slight pout, "I have something actually, do you know who called? Um, who called for the ambulance?"

"No." Ms. Seo replied, "It was a number from a payphone, they can't be traced. Quite unusual, really. Unusually lucky in your case."

"Yeah..." Seungmin responded.

"I'm sure you want to find them and thank them," she told him, "If I do find them first, I'll be sure to tell you right away, Seungmin," She said goodbye and left while telling him to get better soon.

Seungmin was prepared to throw away the business card as soon as she left, but he found himself placing it gently on the table beside him.

-

Five more uncomfortable days passed before Seungmin was allowed to be discharged from the hospital. Each day, his pain eased slightly. Although, the strain in his soul never stopped, no matter how many drugs were administered to him. The sun shined bright when Seungmin walked out of that damned hospital. But the radiating sun shadowed darkness over Seungmin. Despite everything, only one thought occupied Seungmin's head.

_I'm going to find you, Hyunjin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the angst isn't deterring anyone from reading further. I promise I will try to make an ending that will satisfy you :3


	7. Idealism

_"In my utter impotence to test the authenticity of the report of my senses, to know whether the impressions they make on me correspond with outlying objects, what difference does it make, whether Orion is up there in heaven, or some god paints the image in the firmament of the soul?"_ \- _Nature,_ Chapter VII, " _Idealism_."

Chan insisted that Seungmin should stay at his apartment while he recovered. Of course, Seungmin tried to deny his help, saying he would be fine on his own, but Chan ultimately won the debate. He was right. Seungmin couldn't pay his rent for much longer; he's out of work because of his injury. The doctors said to minimize labor as much as possible for five months. Also, it just makes sense to have someone watch over him, just in case. Five long months, he'll have to depend on Chan. It was painfully embarrassing and he felt guilty. 

So now, here he is, on Chan's couch. He was flipping through TV channels, but he wasn't really interested in watching anything. He just kept cycling through every single channel, _next, next, next,_ hoping the distraction would drown out the persistent anxiety Seungmin felt. The constant changing of media on the screen didn't do anything to take over the harrowing events that now dwelled in Seungmin's mind. Seeing Hyunjin covered in both of their blood. The eyes that were once calm and quaint, looking into Seungmin with malicious fervor. Seungmin's desperate attempts to fight back. The scenes played over, and over, and over. It was like a haunting photo reel in a View-Master that Seungmin wasn't allowed to look away from. No matter how many times he clicked, _click, click,_ on the remote, it never ended. It kept spinning, and spinning-

All of a sudden, Seungmin got distracted by keys unlocking the apartment door. Chan entered, looking exhausted. He had to collect all of Seungmin's belongings from his apartment. Seungmin felt beyond terrible that he had to get literally all his stuff. Especially since his house wasn't the cleanest around. Chan had carried tons of boxes up the stairs, it looked like he was about to faint.

"Um, Chan, let me help you?" Seungmin piped up. Chan seemed quite off since they both left the hospital. He's not as lively as before. Before all this happened. _Maybe Chan would feel better if I let him know that I'm really ok now._

Chan let out a tired breath, "No way! You're not supposed to do any work."

"I can help... Just a little bit," Seungmin got up when a sharp pain shocked him in the chest, "Ah..."

Chan already moved every box inside the room, "See? Look what happened, you're hurt, you can't do anything right now!"

"What? I'm not useless!" Seungmin retaliated.

"I didn't say that!" Chan was gritting his teeth, trying to maintain his composure. "I'm here to take care of you!"

"But I hate this! I don't want to be cared for like a child!"

"That's too bad, you don't have a choice! Actually, maybe you did have a choice."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Do you think I wanted to be nearly killed?" Seungmin was really getting agitated now, he never thought he would ever get this mad at his best friend. They've never fought over anything except for silly little disputes.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get the impression that you did," Chan spat, "I- I know who tried to kill you... I don't understand why you won't report him."

Seungmin didn't say anything. 

"Yeah, Hyunjin, I knew he was weird- but I didn't consider that he was a psychopath... He- he wanted you dead! I don't get it, you want him to be free from custody? What if he finds you and gets his second chance-"

"No- Stop it, I know what I'm doing, don't get involved," Seungmin argued.

"Huh? You idiot!" Chan completely lost it now, "YOU made me get involved. You told me to lie to the police and say you were never with Hyunjin! AND I DID IT! I FUCKING LIED TO A POLICE OFFICER! I'm a criminal! I did it cus I trusted you... Now I realize, you- you selfish prick, you just wanted to save your felon boyfriend. Do you think he's still your friend? Did he make you go insane? Do you have some sort of Stockholm syndrome-"

"STOP- no, no, just, please-" Seungmin's vision blurred as hot tears invaded his eyes and rolled down his cheeks.

"Whatever, I don't give a single shit, I'm- I'm going to call the police right now and tell them-" Chan took out his cell phone and walked to the other side of the room, by the kitchen. He was starting to tear up as well.

"no, NO!" Seungmin yelled as he rushed over to him. The sudden movement sent pain through his body. He cringed at the pain and shut his eyes as he blindly lunged at Chan. He forced his arms toward him to grab at anything that could take him down. He absolutely could not let Chan contact the police. 

"What the hell! Seungmin! Stay away from me, you're going to hurt yourself!" Chan shouted.

Chan held up the phone in the air, the number on the screen, the green "call" button was begging to be pressed. Seungmin reached for his arm to try to knock down the phone. Chan was much stronger than him and easily shoved him back. Seungmin lost his balance and fell on his butt. The searing pain was more agonizing now. He looked up at Chan, towering over him. It was just like with Hyunjin. He was too weak to fight back.

_What am I fighting for?_

_I was fighting for my life back then... But now... I'm fighting for the person who tried to take it. But- there's something more-_

"Don't call," Seungmin coughed feebly, clutching at his abdomen.

Chan was shaking, he stared intently at his phone, his finger hovering just above the button.

"I- I am not crazy... I swear... I want answers as well, just like you do. That's why I told you to trust me, that statement still stands," Seungmin uttered, "that's why... you can't tell them..."

There was a thump on the carpet, it was Chan's phone, dropped from his hand. Chan lowered down and leaned on the wall across from Seungmin. 

"Ah... You've changed a lot, what happened?" Chan asked, "I guess I never really questioned you further about what happened that night."

"I'm sorry. I should have told you more from the start. About Hyunjin and stuff..." Seungmin admitted. "There are actually several things about Hyunjin that are, I guess, strange. And also unusual events that occurred." He might as well just tell Chan everything. 

Firstly, he told the basics of Hyunjin and his personality. How he was shy but would open up if he was talking about something he liked. He loved to read and take pictures. He told Chan about how Ms. Seo had found polaroids of Seungmin at the crime scene. He then talked about Hyunjin's calm demeanor and awareness of the world around him. How he really appreciated so much, yet so little at the same time. 

Then, Seungmin told of Hyunjin's bizarre ability to communicate and discern nature. His strange ideas and seemingly complex understanding of them. The strange experiences he felt when he was with him. Like nature was disapproving his actions. 

The way Seungmin felt so compelled to him; he so desperately wanted to understand him. Seungmin felt so close to doing so, he told Hyunjin he liked him, and Hyunjin accepted him. He was nearly there. The connection he felt towards him; he was at the end of the bridge, ready to embrace the truth of Hyunjin's cognizance. Then, it snapped. The knife sliced through. 

Hyunjin cut the cords holding the bridge. 

_No... I remember it now... Someone else was there._ The scenes that played over and over in Seungmin's head finally slowed down, frame by frame. He could see it clearly now. The dark shadow behind Hyunjin. The enigmatic being that held Hyunjin's knife-wielding arm. 

"Chan... I'm sure of it now... Something else wanted me dead."

Chan appeared confused, he was still processing everything Seungmin was saying to him. "You mean... Someone else stabbed you...?"

"Kind of... I mean, for whatever reason, I think nature was controlling him," Seungmin replied seriously.

"Seungmin, nature- it's not a person, it's not a real thing," Chan wanted to be trusting of Seungmin's insight but he was frustrated.

"It doesn't matter." 

"What?"

"It doesn't matter if the concept of nature isn't real. It's impossible to know if our reality is real, but it makes no difference. I'm still here with you; we are real, right? What makes nature any less of reality than us? Or any less of an illusion than us?" Seungmin swallowed, "Sorry, I mean to say that I'm almost positive that Hyunjin couldn't have truly wanted to hurt me, there must be some other obscure meaning, there has to be..." He said eagerly.

"But what if you're wrong?" Chan simply stated. 

Oh. That's right. The hidden factor in this equation, what if he was wrong? What if Hyunjin truly acted by his own malicious intent? In reality, that would make the most sense. But, this situation reaches far beyond the plane of realism. For now, Seungmin still held on to that sense of connection towards Hyunjin. The stake on the other side of the bridge wasn't cut down yet. That was the only reassurance he needed to keep going.

"I don't care, I-I need to see Hyunjin again, I need to save him!" Seungmin declared, noticing the uncertainty in Chan's eyes.

\- 

Chan made Seungmin sleep in the bedroom while he slept on the couch. He wanted to appeal but it would be best to quit being so stubborn and just let Chan care for him. He noted that he should apologize later. He took his pain medication before trying to fall asleep. He had to lay on his back while he slept. It was horrible, he could barely sleep while he was in the hospital. There are many more uncomfortable nights ahead so Seungmin had to deal with it. On top of that, his brain decided to go through the awful memories of the blood and fear. Even if Seungmin trusted his theory that Hyunjin's actions had an ambiguous connotation, the dread from that night was authentic. The words that Hyunjin said to him were also real.

' _This feeling... I experience it when I need to throw away something that's weighing me down...'_

_'You arrived in my space, it made me- happy... But, perhaps it became too much for me. I was happy before too...'_

Hyunjin had said those words with his own mouth. Certainly, it hurt, pierced him right through the heart. Hyunjin couldn't have meant those things, he just couldn't have. A realization hit him. _Am I in denial?_ Was Seungmin just in a stage of grief? Not wanting to accept the fact that Hyunjin genuinely wanted him dead?

 _'But what if you're wrong?'_ Chan's statement rang in Seungmin's head, "Ugh..." He put his fists to his eyes, trying to rub away his nervousness.

 _I wonder where Hyunjin is right now..._ Would he have run away? Realize what he had done and booked it? He never visited the hospital, obviously. Does that mean he's not searching for Seungmin? Probably not... Was he even aware of what he did? Maybe he is still under the control of... Seungmin was set on wanting to find him again, he needed answers. Of course, there were many more problems, he had no idea where he lived, he only knew the general direction of where his apartment may be... 

_Would he go back to the park again? No way..._ There was probably no evidence of his whereabouts that the police haven't found already. _Where... And how am I...?_ Seungmin let out a frustrated noise and sat up. He swung his legs off the bed and sighed. Seungmin tip-toed to the door and opened it quietly. He saw Chan on the couch, making sure he was asleep before he grabbed the house key and silently left. He forgot to bring shoes so his feet were cold on the concrete of the apartment building floors. He wandered around until he found the stairs leading up to the roof. He climbed the stairs, this night was similar to when he was with Hyunjin. But there was no beautiful boy in front of him. There were no green hills with blooming flowers. He was alone with the worn-down metal staircase. 

He was dizzy once he reached the top. He walked over near the edge, sitting down and leaned on some sort of electrical box. The city, of course, was as bright as ever. But Seungmin wanted to focus on the earthly environment. He hasn't "spoken" to nature since he was with Hyunjin. He looked down at the trees, rivers, and gardens down below him. 

"Can you tell me where Hwang Hyunjin is?" He asked to the void.

Nothing happened.

Seungmin ran his hands up his shirt to feel the bandages around his chest, "Do you know who did this to me? Was it you?"

Nothing happened.

"Hwang Hyunjin wouldn't do this to me, right?"

Nothing.

"Does- does he still love me?"

The only sound the world could hear was Seungmin's muffled sobs.

-

[Eight Days Ago]

_I'm free... Nature... Spirit, thank you._

Hyunjin wobbled a bit as he got up. His mind and body tingled in a euphoric high. _Clarity... It's clear now..._ His legs started to move slowly. Slowly away from the bloody massacre before him. The trance-like state he was under subdued his surroundings. The only sounds he could hear were caused by nature, and he only scents he could smell was from nature as well. He shuffled along through the grasses when the shimmer of a reflection caught his eye. 

_That is... My camera..._

The old polaroid was hidden in the grass. Hyunjin's vision blurred and head ached as he abruptly broke out of his daze. He scurried over to the camera laying in the grass and crouched down picking it up carefully. _Why is this here?_ Hyunjin completely forgot what he was doing. _It's night, I'm in the park... Did I faint?_ He spotted the blood dripping onto his camera. _That is coming from my hand?_

Suddenly, the stinging pain set in. _Ack..._ He rose up so he could take a good look at his arm. The park lights illuminated the red blood glistening on his pale skin. It wasn't just on his arm, it was all over his body. Hyunjin felt his heart speed up. His head turned slowly around as he took a good look at the sight. The green grass was layered in blood, like morning dew. The blood coagulated the soil, changing it to a murky red mud. His eyes moved toward the pond. It was nothing but a red puddle now as a body was planted there. 

Confusion and panic shocked Hyunjin's body as he froze. Why _... Am I here!?_ Nature was being quite nonchalant despite the present scene. It was calm, while Hyunjin was disturbed. His body finally moved. Instead of trying to help, his instincts told him to get away. He walked fast in the opposite direction, trying to comprehend what he saw. Nature gave him no answers as it remained stable and content. He reached the end of the park where the street began. He took off his bloody jacket hurriedly and turned it inside-out. He carried it under his arm to hide the blood dripping from his palm. He brought the camera along and covered it under the jacket as well.

 _I will just go home straight away..._ Hyunjin told himself. 

But his rush was cut short when his eyes caught a public call box.

_Perhaps I should..._

He warily glanced around him before reaching for the phone and dialing the emergency number. It rang a few times before a dispatcher answered. Hyunjin hadn't prepared anything to say, the dispatcher asked if anyone was there.

"Ah... I- I heard peculiar noises coming from the park... Yes, I'm sure it appeared distressful... It's the western side... Ok..." _Click._

Hyunjin's shaky hand released the phone as it dangled with a monotonous ring. 


End file.
